Getting Past A Break-Up

Getting over someone is not that easy if one doesn’t stop loving that person and wallows in self-pity, questioning every aspect of the problem, re-evaluating every word and body language by that other person. After 6 months of enduring pain that I thought would never end, it is finally over.

In that 6 months, my heart was so broken that I could ever feel the physical stabbing and hurt. Having cried myself to sleep nightly, I became very depressed and reserved. I was confused, my eating habits changed and it affected the people around me. I was so torn apart over a decision I made to end a relationship I knew was not approved by God yet I didn’t have the conviction to remain firm in that decision. After nights of deliberation and prayer, many lessons learnt and many conversations held between God and myself – enough is enough, a clear line has to be drawn and a choice to be made.

I chose God, to trust Him and live in faith that my life is not mine but His to live and guide. What I do, I would to my best and to live the rest to Him. If given a chance to relive my life, I would choose to endure the same pain because without pain, one would not know what it means to be happy. Without this pain, my faith in God would not have grown. What is 6 months of pain compared to a life of trust and faith in God? He died for us on the cross, my lost is nothing compared to what Jesus had endured.

Life is full of surprises, and God works in funny ways. I found a book recently which I never thought I would read. This little book sums up some of the lessons I have learnt from this ex-relationship. To people out there, whether you are in a relationship or not – daily acts of love is meant for people you love. God let us go through pain for a reason and to refine us for the future:

Lesson 1: Unconditional love is a commitment to go on loving for love’s sake, to go on appreciating the gift of life, to go on believing there is good in humankind, despite the failures, disappointments, tragedies and mysteries that are part of every human existence.

Lesson 2: Compassion arises when you think less about your difficulties with forgiveness and more about the insights your suffering has brought you

Lesson 3: As long as we judge people as being more or less worth of love, we are confusing the value of their life with the value of their actions. We can love some actions more, and some less. We can admire some behaviours, despise others. But love asks more of us than that. No matter how foul someone’s life is, how devastating their actions, that person remains as deserving of love as you or I.

Lesson 4: No one can make you into a slave. When you must do something you usually resent, choose the attitude you bring to the task. Choosing to do something wholeheartedly and well expresses your freedom. It also depends your sense of honour and validates your self-respect.

Lesson 5: To be loving, you don’t need to have someone special in your life. The state of loving is special in itself. It needs no particular goal. No particular object. It is the state of the heart and mind, a way of being.